


Loss

by KY Lowell (TachyonStar)



Category: Phantasy Star Online 2
Genre: Gen, I'm a right bastard to my characters, Trance gets forcibly de-Luthered, Why do I do this to myself, tbh this was as painful to me as it was to him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 08:13:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11824656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TachyonStar/pseuds/KY%20Lowell
Summary: Trance tries to get back what he's lost. Instead, he loses even more.(Spoilers abound for episodes 2~5.)





	Loss

**Author's Note:**

> ...Aaaaaah. *sighs*
> 
> I need to ramble about some headcanon so people are actually aware what's going on here. In short: Trance and Luther managed to make nice after the events of episode 2 (we do not talk about the failship), though it took a lot of arguing, flailing and Trance ending up being basically the perfect host for what remained of Luther's...soul, I suppose you could call it. Enter episode 3, enter Double, enter the creepy little scene in Double's inner world, enter Trance making what was probably the most rash decision of his life and not only letting Luther take up residence in his body, but pretty much demanding him to. So here we have a be-Luthered Trance, who occasionally shares his body with the loser birb after the two of them end up calling a truce of sorts.
> 
> Still with me? Good. We're not quite done.
> 
> End of episode 3 happens. Persona, who happens to be Trance's original, Lucien, saves Trance from the Profound Darkness and gets PD'd as a result. Trance isn't having this. Trance is damn well determined to get Lucien back. (Lucien has also managed to shove everything that made him, well, *him* into Trance, so Trance has now effectively *become* Lucien, which actually is a great help.) Trance gets this opportunity just shortly before the beginning of ep 5, which is where this little bit of traumatic plot comes in.
> 
> Why the forcible de-Luthering, though? Well, I had to scramble to figure out a way to get Luther out of the picture, because guess who's back in the ep 5 content. So. Yeah.
> 
> (For the record, Trance *is* recovering. He doesn't like me very much for putting him through this, though.)

_[I do hope you realize, I highly doubt you've thought this through.]_

"...Yeah, I know." Trance closed his eyes for a brief moment, exhaled slowly and then opened them again, tension stringing itself taut through his shoulders as he stared coldly ahead at the monstrous form in front of them. "Trust me, I don't think this is ideal either. But...it's the best chance I've got. The best chance _we've_ got. I can't possibly do what needs done any other way, and you know that." Another slow exhale and he was calling energy to him, letting it surge through his body in a fiery warmth that seemed to set every nerve alight, a dizzying dance of photons and willpower and pure stubborn determination that he could only hope would see him through this. "...Besides, you don't even have to do anything. It's not your fight - it's mine. The only thing you have to be concerned about is whether I get us out of this alive, and I don't plan on losing. Not here, not now."

A hazy sensation washed across his mind, a deep, exasperated sigh, and he rather got the impression there was a frustrated headshake to go along with it, though he couldn't actually tell without letting himself be distracted enough to peer within. _[As accurate as that may be, do you truly think I'm just going to sit back and do nothing? Honestly - sometimes I really do wonder just who you got that obstinate idiocy of yours from. It certainly wasn't me, nor do I recall Aura ever having quite so many figurative rocks in her head--]_

Trance snorted at that, shook his own head and braced himself better as the platform shuddered, drifting slightly to the side. "Wouldn't you like to know. Hey, maybe it was the first--"

_[You finish that sentence and you'll have something other than the Profound Darkness to worry about.]_

"Woo, scary." But Trance was smiling faintly now, some of the tension seeping slowly away at the comforting familiarity of their banter. "I just said you don't _have_ to do anything. I didn't say I thought you wouldn't, or that I'd try to stop you. I know better than that."

_[Sometimes I wonder about that, too.]_ That one came with the sense of a smirk, but it was soon gone, replaced by a deadly seriousness once more. _[We're nearly within range. If you're going to turn back at all, you'd best do it while you still can.]_

"I'm not turning back and you know it." His fingers were trembling as he grasped his weapon, but Trance's voice remained strong, his determination unwavering. "Even if I wanted to, I can't. You know why I have to see this through. Why _we_ have to..."

_[...I know.]_

Thrusters flared, and with one last burst of speed, they were _within_.

Sharp, rustling sibilance filled his ears, as if the depths of space itself were rushing through his hearing, but previous confrontations had granted Trance the experience to consider it a mere annoyance instead of nearly debilitating, though he did give the concession of shaking his head rapidly for a moment as if to jar the sound free. Of course, it did absolutely nothing but make him feel briefly disoriented, and he nearly stumbled, only just catching his footing before he would have faceplanted into the platform. "By the way, have I ever mentioned I really hate it in here?"

_[Really. I had no idea. You seemed so very excited.]_ The sarcasm was nearly tangible.

"Pfft. Yeah, absolutely overjoyed." Unable to hold back sarcasm of his own in return, Trance rubbed absently at his right ear, then ventured near to the edge of the platform, narrowing his eyes at the gigantic core that was drawing ever closer with every passing moment. It was hard to tell, the photon distortion all around them warping his vision, but even despite that, he thought he'd spotted precisely what they were here for. "...Look. I think that's it. I mean, I'm not seeing things, am I? Things that shouldn't be there," he hurried to amend his statement before another snarky answer could come. "Ugh, you know what I mean. But that...it is, isn't it?"

_[I thought you said I wouldn't have to do anything?]_ But the not-really-irritated retort came with the sharp flicker of disorientation that marked the other presence rising within him, and for a moment, his own consciousness sank back, the world before him fading like an indistinct picture. _[...Well, it certainly seems to be. It appears my analysis was correct. Not that I ever thought otherwise, mind you, but confirmation is never a bad thing.]_

"Course not." Trance's vision snapped back to normal as that presence drew back, and he did stumble this time, though he seemed not at all perturbed about sinking briefly into a crouch to regain his bearings. It beat falling flat on his arse, after all. "...You know...it's weird. All of a sudden this seems a little hard to believe..."

_[You're nervous.]_ It wasn't a question. It was, however, vaguely tinged with concern.

It wasn't worth arguing the point, and Trance bit his lip, slowly getting to his feet again. "...Yeah. I am."

_[Don't be. You're just taking back what's rightfully yours.]_ Energy thrummed within him, that presence seeming to shift into high alert, as if ready to leap forward at any moment; it sparked a little flare of annoyance within him, but at the same time, he found himself grateful for the implied protection. _[We really need to do something about this bad habit of yours. Hesitation will only get you hurt...or worse.]_

"You would know that better than anyone, wouldn't you," Trance muttered under his breath, unconsciously touching on a tiny flicker of memory, a cold shudder sending his shoulders once more rigid with tension. "...You aren't helping, either."

_[You didn't ask me to.]_

"Love you too." Taking a deep breath, Trance reached mentally out to the surrounding photons as the platform began to slow, the form of the Profound Darkness now looming ominously right in front of them. For the moment, it was still, but he knew from experience that the instant he made a move, he'd better be ready for a thoroughly punishing fight. "...I guess this is it, then. Nothing left for me to do but just...do it."

Warmth drifted across his mind, bringing with it an almost intangible sensation, an unseen hand pressing itself briefly to his shoulder. _[...Lucien. Be careful.]_

"I know," Trance whispered, then released the photons he'd been gathering in a wave of light.

He'd been prepared, but even so, facing down the Profound Darkness was a challenge even as a group, and it was nearly all he could do at some points to launch a counterattack to the punishment being rained upon him; he may have had the advantage of speed and maneuverability, as well as the ability to tap into aether as well as photons, but there was only so far even that would take him versus such an unyielding foe, and it wasn't long before he was very sorely regretting that he'd ever had this idea in the first place. (Literally, in fact: dealing with the ceaseless barrage wasn't exactly painless, even taking the strength of his healing techniques into account.) "Remind me again," he said through gritted teeth, gathering energy to him and throwing himself out of the way of a particularly savage swipe, "why I'm doing this? Because at this point, I almost want to just leave him here and--"

_[That is an option, yes.]_ The words were spoken laconically, but the presence at the edges of his mind was anything but lazy, briefly wrenching control of one hand from him to send out a punishing fireball, the powerful spell leaving a scorched trail in its wake as it skimmed across the platform's surface. _[I doubt anyone would think worse of you for taking it, if you so chose. It's certainly the more intelligent option - then again, I can't say you're exactly known for making smart choices on a regular basis...]_

"You remember what I said earlier about you not helping? Yeah. Still applies." Exhaling something that might have wanted to be a sigh someday, Trance didn't bother threading his own consciousness back into the power still tingling in his arm and hand, never mind the decidedly strange sensation of having only part of his body under his own control. "I'm gonna let him hit you when we get him out of here. Just so you're aware of that."

_[We have to actually get him out of here first, as I'm sure you're quite aware.]_ Another torrent of energy spilled forth from his fingertips, photons swirling madly in the fiery maelstrom, and it was only very intimate familiarity with these particular techniques that prevented Trance from flinching as he cast his body forward through the flames, slipping briefly _between_ in the fleeting moment of invincibility most technique users were able to utilize. _[For that matter, do you actually have any ideas for doing precisely that? I doubt the Profound Darkness is going to let him go willingly, and we certainly can't destroy it while he's still within it.]_

"...Actually, I do have an idea. It's just a really damn risky one," Trance admitted reluctantly, leaping away from the deadly claws darting towards him in an attempt to grab, wincing reflexively at the rush of cold photons as the wicked arm passed by mere millimeters from his body. "You're not going to like this. I don't like it either. But I think if I get close enough - I'm pretty sure I can wake him up, and if I can do that, we'll have an advantage. It's just the whole 'getting close enough' thing." Evading another grab, he countered with a burst of searing light that knocked aside the twisted hands, taking advantage of this brief opening to press forward again. "--If I can just...get to the _core_ , then--"

Silence was his only answer for a long moment - silence, and then a whole host of emotions: shock, nervousness, fear, anger, underlaid by something very like a smoldering resignation. _[That's not an idea. That's suicide.]_

"Maybe," Trance agreed before he could keep the word from slipping out, but didn't stop, closing his eyes and - once more - moving forward, moving _between_.

Directly in front of the half-stunned entity, there was a momentary calm, one that Trance gratefully took advantage of to catch his breath and completely regain his bearings, putting a hand briefly to his chest in thanks as the heavy presence within him faded back to the very edges of his consciousness. "There he is. That's definitely him," he said softly, barely above a whisper, his eyes fixed on the indistinct shape he could see entombed within the Darkness' core. "I just - I hope we're not too late. It'd suck if we came all this way and we can't even get him out..."

An exasperated sigh resounded in his mind, strongly enough that his shoulders jerked with a flare of surprise at the unexpected not-quite-sound. _[Of all the times for you to be nervous again--]_

"No! I'm not, this time. I swear." Knowing this stillness wasn't going to last much longer, Trance fought down the bit of him that was busy trying to tell him this was an incredibly terrible idea, reaching out and laying a hand on the core's surface; it was cold against his skin, deathly so, and it took all his willpower not to jerk back at the unpleasant sensation. "I was just...thinking a little. I know he isn't the type to give up so easily, but something just doesn't seem _right_ here. Hopefully it's my imagination..." he trailed off with a sigh of his own, shook his head and closed his eyes, putting his other hand to the core as well, tension lining his body as it seemed to shudder beneath his touch. He had seconds at most if he was to get out of the way in time, but for this to work, he was deathly afraid he was going to have to push the limits farther than even the most powerful being would be strictly comfortable with. "...Don't yell at me until we get out of here, alright?"

If an answer came, he never heard it, the surge of power he called from deep within him blotting out everything but its own rising hum in his ears as he _reached_ , a frantic mental grasp that sought to seize hold of the remaining fragments of life - the fragments of his _original_.

"Persona...Lucien, wake up. I'm here. You gave me life - and now it's my turn to give it back to you--"

But just as he thought he could _feel_ something, perhaps the reaction he was looking for, the Profound Darkness stirred.

Panic not his own flared within him, jagged spikes of a sickly chill beneath the dizzying heat of power, and he nearly staggered at the force of it, only the desperate fight to separate the last threads of his original's presence from the darkness surrounding it keeping him from succumbing to that feeling. This was no time to be afraid, he needed to _finish_ this-- "Come on," he found himself whispering under his breath, almost chanting, nearly a mantra of singleminded focus. "Come on, wake up. Come _on_..."

_[We don't have time for this--]_ the panic growing stronger, forcing him to grit his teeth and divert a little bit of concentration to pushing it back, as much as he hated to do that. _[Leave him! There will be other chances - if you get out of here!]_

"I'm not going," Trance hissed, almost inaudible, his fingers pressing harder against the core as if to dig into its unyielding surface. "I can - I _feel_ him - I just need a little more time--"

_[There is no more time!]_

"I've almost _got_ \- if I just--!"

But as he reached to untangle the last figurative knot, that presence surged up within him as if pushing him back to safety - and before he could react and take control again, energy blossomed before them, a consuming burst of icy nothingness.

" _Lucien_ \--!"

The scream was not just his, echoing inside and out.

It was the last thing he heard before agonizing static seared across his mind, blotting out his senses.

He must have fallen unconscious then, because when he could finally _feel_ again, it was through a sickly haze of drained exhaustion, a sensation that he was more familiar with than he ever wanted to admit; blindly he reached out a shaking hand, found the unforgiving chill of the platform's metallic surface beneath his fingers, and let the dim relief that at least he hadn't been thrown off into the depths of space itself wash over him. "...That was...definitely not...a good idea," he managed to breathe after a few moments, wincing absently as he tried to push himself at least marginally upright, only giving up when his head began to spin in a way that suggested he'd best not move for a little while if he didn't want to revisit his lunch. Still, opening his eyes ought to be all right, at least if he could see what was around him he could reorient himself--

\--except he could feel his eyes open, could feel himself blinking, but there was still _nothing_ \--

He found the strength then to drag a hand close, pat numb fingers awkwardly against his face, tired alarm clamoring in the back of his mind as he confirmed by touch that yes, his eyes were in fact wide open and that was making absolutely no difference to the smothering dark currently monopolizing his vision. Well, perhaps it made a bit of sense, he could vaguely recall a blinding flash that was more than likely the root cause - but the fact now remained that he was completely helpless, too drained to summon up even the smallest protective techniques and unable to see any approaching threats, and he felt cold all over in a way that had absolutely nothing to do with his current lack of energy. "...We need...to get out of here...please, help me...just for a little while..."

But there was no answer, and the chill only grew stronger.

"Hey - hey, are you listening--" Fear was setting in now, the panicked thought that he'd perhaps drained not only his own reserves of power but those belonging to that secondary consciousness as well, and he reached frantically _within_ , searching for the soft pulse underlying his own that he'd grown so used to. "I'm sorry - you can rest as long as you want once we get out of here, but please, I - I _can't_ make it out without you, you've got to help me - please - _please_...?"

Still there was nothing. No answer, no reaction - no _presence_ \- nothing but the dawning of a sick, helpless, heartbreaking realization.

Now it made sense. The static, the pain. Now he remembered it clearly, and now he understood.

"No." The word fell from clumsy, leaden lips, an ache growing in his chest that had nothing to do with his exhaustion, traitorous heat pricking at the backs of his sightless eyes as he forced himself up, lurched to his feet despite the dizzying nausea that threatened to overcome him. "This isn't - this can't be happening. This is...some kind of joke, right? Just a joke...a sick joke..." he interrupted himself with a choked sound, some mixture of hiccup and sob and terrified wail, wrapping his arms tight about himself and continuing to search desperately _within_ for the presence that just wasn't there. "You - you can't _do_ this to me! I need you...please, please, this _has_ to be some kind of dream - some kind of _nightmare_...right...?"

But it was futile. No matter how hard he tried, everything was still _empty_ , and it ached so horribly he couldn't bear it.

He felt faint, mental blackness closing in to match the physical, and he didn't bother fighting it, collapsing first to his knees and then into an ungainly sprawl, the strange fire in his chest burning in stark contrast to the all-over chill that seemed to have suffused him. Perhaps, he found himself thinking dimly, it would consume him - and it would serve him right if it did, a fitting punishment for the arrogant miscalculation he'd made, for the overconfidence that had stripped him of the presence and power he'd come to rely on so very much. It was all his fault, even if he didn't want to think it, it was _his fault_ that he'd lost friend, family, mentor, _lover--_

He sensed there were tears running down his cheeks, though he couldn't really feel them. 

"I'm...sorry." It was a flat whisper, hardly more than even a breath, but it broke the floodgates to a wracking sob, and he somehow found the strength to curl himself into a fetal position and tuck his head tightly down against his knees, beginning to cry in earnest. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry, I'm _so sorry_ , please, come back to me - please - I can't...I...I need you...I'll do anything, I swear! Anything...just...please. Don't leave me... _don't leave me_...!" 

That heat was unbearable now; he could do nothing but succumb to it with one last helpless cry. 

"Please... _Luther_..." 

Then there was darkness, and he let unconsciousness take him. 


End file.
